


upwards and onwards

by Anonymous



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Angst, Break Up, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-16
Updated: 2019-04-16
Packaged: 2020-01-15 04:08:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18491017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: “Hey,” he starts. “Mitch, we’re fine.”“Bullshit,” Mitch says, quietly. He sniffles again and crosses his arms back over his chest, staring Auston down. “Auston, that’s absolute bullshit, and you know it.”





	upwards and onwards

**Author's Note:**

> i found this in my 'WIPs' folder. it'll never get finished. sorry, but maybe someone will enjoy.

It sucks because they could have been so much more. 

 

At least that’s what Auston told him, after shit had hit the fan. 

 

They were having dinner, but the air was already tense. Mitch had basically been staring at the same spot behind Auston’s head and chewing on the same piece of lettuce for at least seven minutes when he came out and said it:

 

“I can’t do this anymore, Aus.”

 

Auston finally looked up at Mitch from where he was staring at his phone, and swallowed, hard. Mitch could see his Adam’s apple bobbing from his seat across the table. 

 

“What do you mean?” He asked, taking another bite of the salad he had made them. The dressing had too much vinegar in Mitch’s opinion, but Auston likes bitter stuff. It made sense. 

 

“I can’t,” he says before pausing. He looks at Auston finally and sighs. “I can’t keep doing this. I can’t be here, I shouldn’t be across from you eating dinner like everything is alright.”

 

Auston tilted his head like a dog. It made Mitch both undeniably happy, but also made him want to reach across the table and slap some sense into him. Sure, Auston had taken a couple hits, but he wasn’t only hockey smart. 

 

“You’re not only hockey smart, so stop looking at me like that.”

 

Auston finally puts his fork down, and Mitch crosses his arms over his chest. 

 

“I don’t get it, Mitchy. What are you saying?”

 

Mitch sighs again, and moves his arms to lean on the table, head in his hands. He feels his eyes burning, but he doesn’t want to cry. He can’t cry, dammit, he’s the one initiating it. 

 

“Auston, we shouldn’t be together. We can’t be together,” he says. It’s muffled, but the noise Auston makes tells him he heard what he said. “I mean, as of now, we’re not really together.”

 

The room is silent while Auston thinks of what to say, and Mitch gives him his time. It took Mitch long enough to make the decision to break up with him, Auston should get a couple minutes to wrap his head around it. 

 

Mitch is staring at his salad when the first tear falls. He watches the teardrop hit a piece of spinach and bounce like a raindrop, before making it’s way down the leaf’s stem. He tries not to sniff too loud—his nose runs when he cries, sue him—but it’s loud. And gross. And it makes Auston make another noise, so Mitch looks up at him, and Auston’s face softens. 

 

“Hey,” he starts. “Mitch, we’re fine.”

 

“Bullshit,” Mitch says, quietly. He sniffles again and crosses his arms back over his chest, staring Auston down. “Auston, that’s absolute bullshit, and you know it.”

 

“I don’t—“ 

 

“I know you don’t get it,” he says, “I can’t tell if you think I’m stupid, or if you’ve just got a kink for being miserable.” 

 

Auston looks dumbfounded at Mitch’s statement, and Mitch isn’t sure what about it sets him off, but it’s like a tap has been turned on and they can’t turn it off. He’s like a fire hydrant in the street with the top popped off, only this time children aren’t running around in the spray, trying to cool off on a hot summer’s day. The only thing getting wet is the sad, wilted spinach in front of him. 

 

“You don’t love me,” Mitch says. “You might have, I mean you probably did, but you don’t now.”

 

Auston opens and closes his mouth a couple times before deciding on, “Mitch, that’s bullshit.”

 

Mitch lets out a bark of laughter and scrubs at his face with the sleeve of his sweater. 

 

“Wow, you’ve even managed to convince yourself,” Mitch sneers, quietly, before looking back up. “Auston, you don’t love me, and that’s why I’m doing this.”

 

Auston tries to speak again, but just makes a the third sort of whimper noise of the night. 

 

“We can’t keep pretending to be some domestic couple that everyone wants to be. We can’t just fake it like we’re waiting for our kids to go off to college before getting divorced. 

 

We don’t go on dates, we don’t fuck, the last time you kissed me was the time I headed back home for two days, like a couple weeks ago. I mean, we hardly were talking unless it was when we were playing video games. And I get it, we’re not who we were last year, but dude,” Mitch says, with a harsh smile, shaking his head, “you don’t even look at me the same way you used to.”

 

Auston sputters and shakes his head, standing up. Mitch matches him quickly, because he would hate to feel small at a time like this. 

 

“So what?” He asks, “do you want me to be a better boyfriend? Mitchy—I—we can go on dates, shit, I’ll take you to Arizona for the summer. I’ll show you the best night of your life if that’s what it takes. I’ll do whatever you want, just don’t do this.”

 

“I want you to be happy,” Mitch says, new tears springing from his eyes. Auston makes a couple moves towards him, and Mitch shakes his head, stepping back. “I want you to be happy, and if it’s not with me, so be it.”

 

Count it, fourth noise of the night, and Auston is rubbing at his own eyes, too. It makes Mitch’s lip tremble, so he has to look away. 

 

“I just don’t want you to keep pretending that I’m what makes you happy, when there’s obviously someone else up there who does that so much better than me.”

 

Mitch watches him carefully, and when Auston makes no move to object, he keeps on. 

 

“So who is it?” He asks, “who is it that makes your stomach flip, and makes you wish you could bottle that moment up forever?”

 

Auston is still silent when he asks, but he’s biting his lip now, in a way that tells Mitch he’s got whoever it is on his mind. Mitch only has one guess, but he totally knows who it is already. 

 

“It’s Willy… right?”

 

For someone with as big of a mouth as Auston Matthews, it’s impossible to think about how quiet he actually is, but when you’ve been in love with a guy this long, you learn to read the silences, and treasure the emotional conversations when they come. Right now, all Mitch can hear is the echo of Auston screaming “yes” in his head. 

 

“Of course, it’s Willy. Who else would it be?”

 

Auston wipes at his eyes again and sniffles his own nose this time. God, Mitch is going to miss kissing that nose. 

 

“I wish it wasn’t.” He says.

 

That’s what breaks Mitch. 

 

Mitch knows what it’s like to fall in love, to be in love, and shit, he’s seen people falling out of love, but he never wanted to be anywhere near people who fell under the last category. 

 

He lets out a wet sob, then immediately covers his mouth with the sleeve of his hoodie—Auston’s hoodie. He knew, he knew he was right, but it hurts so much more now that he’s confirmed it. 

 

He can hear Auston coming towards him again, and this time he lets himself be pulled close. Every part of his brain is screaming at him to pull away, to escape while he can, but his heart is holding strong for him, just to let him have this one last moment. 

 

Auston kisses the top of his head, and Mitch lets out another whimper. 

 

“It sucks,” he says, “because we could have been so much more than this.”

 

Mitch lets out another whimper—shit he’s about to match Auston for the amount of noises made tonight. 

 

“We could have,” he says back, quietly into the fabric of Auston’s shirt, now wet having soaked up his tears. 

 

x

 

Mitch isn’t positive how long they stood there, sniffling and wetting each other like the wilted spinach he had already soaked, but his muscles are tense when he pulls away. 

 

He’s kind of glad was at Auston’s place, because at least he left by choice and didn’t have to kick Auston out, but he’s also not sure he’ll make it across town back to his place, with the tears that fog his eyes. 

 

He told Auston to have a good night, and said he’d see him at practice tomorrow when he left, but he was sure neither of them would have a good night, and Mitch sure as shit wasn’t coming to practice. 

 

The radio played Bon Jovi on the way home, or at least it played the first couple chords before Mitch was punching the thing quiet. 

 

He is to move up and on from here. 

 

Up and on. 

 

x

 

It’s hard to move up and on from something when you see your ex and his new boyfriend giggling together, heads pressed close, without a care in the world. 

 

He’s glad Auston is happy again.

 

He’s glad Auston found love.

 

He’s glad Auston is living the best life he can.

 

It just sucks that it hurts this bad. 


End file.
